Sports Anxiety in Kids: Help Them Handle Game Nerves
You know that look.
Your kid is tying their shoes… again. They ask where the bathroom is… again. Or they get weirdly quiet in the car, staring out the window like it’s the hardest day of their life.
If your athlete is nervous before games, you’re not alone. A little stress is normal. But sometimes it turns into sports anxiety in kids—and it can steal the fun, mess with confidence, and even lead to more mistakes and injuries.
Let’s talk about what’s normal, what’s not, and what you can actually do tonight, this weekend, and all season long to help.
What youth sports anxiety really is (and why it happens)
Youth sports anxiety is when worry about sports feels too big for a kid to manage. It can show up before games, during practice, or even after a mistake.
A key idea: anxiety isn’t always “bad.” A little nervous energy can help kids focus and react faster. But when the worry takes over—sleep, stomach, mood, or performance—it becomes performance anxiety youth sports families need to address.
The “threat” your kid feels is real (even if the game isn’t)
Kids’ brains often read pressure as danger:
- “If I mess up, coach will be mad.”
- “If I don’t score, I’ll get benched.”
- “If I play bad, I’ll disappoint you.”
Even if you’ve never said those things, they may feel true to your child.
And pressure can come from lots of places: a loud coach, a talented teammate, social media clips, tryouts, playing up an age group, or even just wanting to belong.
Signs of sports anxiety in kids (physical + behavior)
Some kids say, “I’m anxious.” Most don’t. They show you.
Physical signs of performance anxiety youth sports
Look for patterns, especially on game days:
- Stomach aches, nausea, or “I feel like I’m going to throw up”
- Headaches
- Shaky hands or legs
- Fast heartbeat
- Sweaty palms
- Needing the bathroom a lot
- Trouble sleeping the night before
- Eating way less (or suddenly overeating)
Real example:
A 10-year-old soccer player feels fine all week. Then every Saturday morning they “randomly” get a stomach ache. By kickoff, they’re okay—but the pattern repeats.
Behavioral signs of youth sports anxiety
- Crying more easily (before or after games)
- Getting angry fast after small mistakes
- Asking to skip practice “just this once” (often)
- Perfectionism: “If I can’t be the best, I don’t want to play”
- Constant reassurance: “Am I starting?” “Am I good?” “Are you mad?”
- Avoiding challenges (won’t try a new position, won’t shoot, won’t serve)
One big clue: anxiety often looks like “attitude.” But it’s usually fear underneath.
Why anxiety can raise injury risk (and what growth plates have to do with it)
When kids are anxious, they tend to play tight—stiff muscles, rushed decisions, and sometimes reckless moves to “make something happen.”
Also, anxious kids may hide pain because they don’t want to lose playing time.
This matters because kids’ bones are still growing. The areas where bone grows are called growth plates. They’re softer than adult bone and can be injured more easily. According to the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons, growth plate injuries can happen from falls, twists, or overuse, and they need proper care to avoid problems with bone growth later (AAOS on growth plate fractures). KidsHealth’s guide to growth plate injuries also reminds parents that pain near a joint after an injury should be checked out—especially in growing kids.
This isn’t to scare you. It’s a practical reminder: helping anxiety isn’t just about performance. It can help kids move better, speak up sooner, and stay healthier.
What parents can say (and what to avoid) when kids are nervous before games
This is the part most of us mess up at first. We love our kids. We want to help. And we accidentally crank up the pressure.
Phrases that usually help sports anxiety in kids
Try these in a calm voice, ideally in the car or at home—not as they’re sprinting to warm-ups:
- “It makes sense to feel nervous. Big feelings mean you care.”
- “Let’s focus on what you can control: effort, attitude, and one small goal.”
- “No matter what happens, I love watching you play.”
- “You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to compete.”
- “What would help right now: space, a plan, or a quick pep talk?”
A simple script that works for a lot of kids:
“Nerves are normal. Breathe. One play at a time.”
What to avoid saying (even if you mean well)
These can backfire during performance anxiety youth sports moments:
- “Relax.” (They would if they could.)
- “It’s just a game.” (It doesn’t feel like it to them.)
- “You better…” / “You need to…” (Pressure spike.)
- “Don’t mess up.” (Now they’re thinking about messing up.)
- “You’re the best player out there.” (Sounds like a job they must keep.)
Instead of “relax,” try:
“Let’s do one slow breath together.”
Quick tools kids can use: breathing + visualization (simple and game-ready)
Kids don’t need fancy mental training. They need simple tools they can actually remember.
A breathing drill for youth sports anxiety: “Smell the pizza, cool the pizza”
This works great for ages 6–12.
- Breathe in through your nose for 3 seconds (“smell the pizza”)
- Breathe out through your mouth for 4 seconds (“cool the pizza”)
- Do 5 breaths total
Why it helps: longer exhales tell the body “we’re safe,” which lowers the stress response.
For teens, you can make it more “grown up”:
- Inhale 4 seconds
- Exhale 6 seconds
- Repeat 6 times
A simple visualization for kids: “Highlight reel + next play”
Visualization means picturing something in your mind before you do it. (Like a mental practice rep.)
Have them do this for 30 seconds:
- Picture one thing they do well (a strong pass, a clean catch, a solid free throw).
- Picture one mistake (a miss, a turnover).
- Then picture the next play—resetting and doing the right next action.
This teaches the real skill: not “never mess up,” but recover fast.
A “reset word” that snaps them back
Help your kid pick one short word they can say in their head:
- “Next”
- “Calm”
- “Attack”
- “Breathe”
Every time they feel the nerves spike, they pair it with one breath.
Scenario #1: The kid who melts down before games
You’ve got a 9-year-old who cries in the car and says they feel sick. Once the game starts, they’re okay… sometimes.
Here’s a practical plan:
The 10-minute pregame routine (with real numbers)
10 minutes before warm-ups:
- Drink 6–8 ounces of water
- Eat a small carb snack if needed (half a banana, a few pretzels)
5 minutes before warm-ups:
- Do 5 “pizza breaths”
- Say the plan: “My job is effort, listening, and hustling back.”
1 minute before stepping on the field/court:
- Pick one simple goal:
- Soccer: “Win 3 loose balls”
- Basketball: “Sprint back on defense every time”
- Baseball/softball: “See the ball early—watch it to the glove/bat”
These goals work because they’re controllable. Anxiety loves “what if.” Control goals bring kids back to “what now.”
Scenario #2: The kid who gets angry and shuts down after mistakes
This is another common face of sports anxiety in kids. It looks like attitude, eye rolls, or “I don’t care.” But inside, they care a lot.
What helps here is a “mistake plan.”
The 3-step mistake plan (easy to remember)
Teach this at home, not mid-game:
- Name it: “That was a mistake.”
- One breath: in 3, out 4
- Next job: “Find space,” “Get back,” “Hands ready,” “Talk on D”
You can practice it in the driveway or backyard:
- Have them do 10 reps of a skill.
- On purpose, you say “turnover!” or “miss!”
- They do the 3 steps and go again.
That’s training the reset like a muscle.
Common misconceptions about performance anxiety youth sports
“If we push them harder, they’ll toughen up”
Sometimes pressure builds confidence. But too much pressure without tools usually increases fear. Confidence comes from skills + reps + support, not shame.
“My kid is just being dramatic”
Kids’ bodies react strongly to stress. Stomach aches and tears can be real anxiety signals, not manipulation.
“If they’re anxious, they should quit”
Not always. Many kids grow through this and end up stronger. The goal is not to avoid nerves forever—it’s to learn to handle them.
“Talking about anxiety will make it worse”
In most cases, naming feelings helps kids feel less alone. The key is to keep it simple and calm.
A parent-friendly how-to guide for youth sports anxiety
Here’s a plan you can use this week.
Build a “pressure thermometer” at home
Ask: “On a scale of 1–10, how big are the nerves right now?”
- 1–3: normal butterflies
- 4–6: needs a tool (breathing, routine)
- 7–10: might need a bigger reset (break, talk to coach, professional help if it repeats)
This helps kids notice feelings earlier, before they explode.
Use the “2 questions after games” rule
Instead of a full interview in the car:
- “Did you have fun?”
- “What’s one thing you learned?”
If they want to talk more, great. If not, let it be quiet.
If your kid tends to spiral, add one more:
- “What’s your plan for next time?”
Talk to the coach (short and simple)
You don’t need a big meeting. A quick message works:
- “Hey Coach, my kid gets pretty nervous before games. If you see them get quiet or upset, a quick simple cue like ‘one play at a time’ helps.”
Good coaches appreciate this. And it keeps your kid from feeling alone.
Practice “pressure” in small doses
Pressure training should be tiny and safe, not scary.
Examples:
- Free throws: “Make 3 out of 5 before we go in.”
- Serving: “Get 5 serves in—no speed goal.”
- Batting: “Hit 10 off the tee with good form, then 5 soft toss.”
The win is completing the routine, not being perfect.
When sports anxiety crosses the line (time for professional help)
Most youth sports anxiety improves with routines, support, and time.
But consider talking to a pediatrician or a licensed therapist (often a sport psychologist or counselor) if you notice:
- Panic attacks (can’t breathe, shaking, feeling out of control)
- Anxiety that shows up in school or social life too
- Skipping sports often due to fear
- Sleep problems that last weeks
- Frequent physical complaints with no clear cause
- Statements like “I hate myself” or “I don’t want to be here” (take this seriously)
- Playing through pain because they’re scared to speak up (remember growth plate risks—see AAOS guidance and KidsHealth advice)
Getting help isn’t a failure. It’s coaching—just for the mind.
Bottom Line: Key takeaways for sports anxiety in kids
- Sports anxiety in kids is common, especially around tryouts, new levels, or big games.
- Watch for physical signs (stomach aches, sleep issues) and behavior signs (avoidance, anger, perfectionism).
- Your words matter: aim for control goals and calm support, not pressure.
- Teach simple tools: 5 slow breaths, a reset word, and a quick visualization.
- Use routines and small “pressure reps” in practice to build confidence.
- If anxiety is intense, spreads beyond sports, or won’t improve, professional help is a smart next step.
If you want more practical support, check our training guide and nutrition tips. A steady routine—sleep, food, hydration, and recovery—can make nerves easier to manage too.